The footballing world is in shock following the sad news that Liverpool FC forward Diogo Jota and his brother André Silva have died in a car accident in Spain.
Liverpool Football Club have released a statement saying that they are devastated by the tragic passing of Diogo Jota, and Portuguese teammate Cristiano Ronaldo has said that Diogo's death "doesn't make sense". With this sad news, you too may be feeling all kinds of emotions.
We spoke to Dr Radha Modgil to get her thoughts on what you can do if you are feeling upset by this news. Here's what she told us.
How to deal with grief when someone famous dies
Radha says: "When someone dies, we can experience lots of different feelings which are completely normal to feel. We can feel shocked, sad, angry, confused, numb, worried and sometimes even not want to believe it has happened. All of these emotions are part of our grief reaction – our reaction to loss. Grief is really a reflection of how much we loved or cared for that person and how much we miss them."
"We can feel all of these things if it is someone that we know, but it can also happen when we haven’t met that person directly, like with our favourite celebrities. It may come as a surprise to us that we feel this way, and so we can sometimes think we ‘shouldn’t feel that way’ or we have ‘no right or rhyme or reason’ to feel like this. This can make us hide our feelings, not talk about them, or push them down without processing what has happened. But there are real, logical and beautiful reasons why we feel the loss of someone we may never have met, and if we embrace these, we can allow our feelings of grief to come up and process them in a healthy way."
"As human beings, we form all kinds of different types relationships with those around us, and it is the same with famous people. We might admire them, their skill, what they brought to the world. We miss that role of being a mentor in our lives and miss how they touched our lives. Humans have a very special quality – to connect with each other and each other’s lives, experiences and stories, and that is why we grieve people we have never met."
"Famous people are also often part of our daily lives – we may have seen them very frequently online, or TV, or on their socials, or in football matches or films. That contact may have helped us feel safe and given us a sense of routine and certainty. It made us feel like we knew them. When they are no longer there, we can feel very confused and lost. That connection we formed with them is gone and that can be hard. It can be even harder if their personalities, what they did or what they loved reflected parts of ourselves."
"We may love playing football, or their song lyric may have touched our lives at a time we needed to hear it, their history and their struggles in life may resonate with ours. We see a part of ourselves in them. That can make their death hard for us to cope with. We grieve for the world and society sometimes when someone famous dies, as we can see that they brought a lot to the world."
What should I do when someone dies?
"All of us, at some point in our lives, will have people around us die. We all have our own experiences of losing people we love from our past, and when someone famous dies, those feelings can be triggered again and echoes of all those emotions and the person who died can come flooding back."
"Death can also feel scary – it is hard to understand and can make us feel worried or uncertain about what can happen in life. It can be a real shock when we lose someone unexpectedly and make us feel anxious. Understanding all of these reasons for our emotions can help us cope and get the support we need. So how can we cope?"
Talk to someone
The best thing we can do is to talk to someone – that may be a trusted adult, or others who are feeling the same way that you do, and friends who may have also admired that famous person and understands how you feel. Talking things through can help you realise why you are feeling a certain way, can help you untangle thoughts in your mind and help you feel safe and supported.
Feeling your feelings and allowing whatever emotion you feel to come up and to be expressed is so helpful. Don’t judge yourself or push feelings down or think you ‘shouldn’t feel that way'. Talking can help you express how you feel, but there are lots of other ways too – getting active, listening to music, walking in nature, doing the hobby you love, or writing it all down – whatever helps you is the answer. There is no right or wrong when you are grieving someone, just listening to yourself and respecting your emotions.
Find ways to remember them – that might be joining with other fans in a moment of remembrance at a football match, or getting some friends together to share memories of their best moments may help you to process how you feel.
Give yourself time and space to allow yourself to find your way through how you feel – grief can stay with us but becomes less overwhelming as we process our emotions, as we find ways to remember the joy that that person brought, and find ways to honour their legacy and ensure they will never be forgotten.
If you are feeling worried talk to a trusted adult about how you feel – we will all experience grief at some point and need to support each other through it.
If you need support
You should always tell someone about the things you’re worried about. You can tell a friend, parent, guardian, teacher, or another trusted adult. If you're struggling with your mental health, going to your GP can be a good place to start to find help. Your GP can let you know what support is available to you, suggest different types of treatment and offer regular check-ups to see how you’re doing.
If you’re in need of in-the-moment support you can contact Childline, where you can speak to a counsellor. Their lines are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
There are more links to helpful organisations on BBC Action Line.
- BBC, BITESIZE
